THE OCCURRENCE of a certain activity among teens has tripled since 1960. If you are anticipating that this activity is pregnancy, drug use or failing in school, you're incorrect. Such guesses are, however, on the list of common causes of this alarming trend: Our teens, our children, are completing suicide at rates that are shockingly higher than they were 30 years ago. Suicide attempts by teens have seen equally huge increases, and surveys are discovering that thoughts of suicide are disturbingly widespread among teens. The Rhode Island Department of Health reported in 1997, for example, that 24 percent of the state's high school students seriously considered suicide. During the same year, 10 percent of Rhode Island high school students actually attempted suicide.

These heartbreaking numbers, and the frequently heartbroken young people behind them, are being especially emphasized because this week is National Suicide Prevention Week. Prevention begins, of course, with awareness.

Parents and friends are urged to note the following behaviors, which suicidal people frequently exhibit.

• Talking about, writing about, hinting at or threatening suicide.
• Drug abuse.
• Drastic changes in personality.
• Losing interest in favorite activities.
• Sleeping very little or sleeping excessively.
• Eating very little or eating ravenously.
• Previous suicide attempts.
• Giving away prized possessions.
• Fatigue, lethargy or apathy.
• Doing poorly in school.
• Social withdrawal or isolation.
• Drastic changes in appearance.
• Conflicts with family, peers, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc.

This list isn't complete; these are just some of the more common signs. Feelings of depression and suicidal ideation are treatable, with the right help. Before young people can be guided to the professional help they need, however, we must be willing to listen to their cries for help and to respond in a caring and effective way.

Responding effectively to a depressed and/or suicidal teen begins by abolishing one of the most harmful misconceptions about suicide: the fear that you'll plant the idea if you raise the issue. Nothing could be further from the truth. By raising the issue, you will not push people into considering or attempting suicide. You will be demonstrating that you care.

What should you say to a young person who appears depressed or suicidal? First, make available as soon as possible some private time when the two of you can talk. Begin by asking, "Is there something that is bothering you that you want to talk about? I'd be glad to listen." A teen then might reveal something that has happened at home, at school or in a relationship. You might then ask any of these questions: "How do you feel about that?" "How did that make you feel?" "Did that hurt your feelings?" "What are you feeling, right now, this very minute?"

Gently ask these questions. Sincerely demonstrate that you are willing to listen patiently. Don't dismiss the problem, don't get angry, don't express disapproval, and don't demand that the person open up to you. Don't try to solve the problem or make the teen feel better.

Assure the person that your love is as strong and as full as ever, and that the problem, no matter how awful it seems, can be worked out - and that you are willing to help. Then seek professional assistance. Referrals can be made through pediatricians, school counseling and health programs, community mental-health agencies and hospitals, the state Department of Health, the Department of Education and organizations such as The Samaritans of Rhode Island.

What can't be emphasized enough is that what a suicidal friend most needs is to be listened to, not lectured or advised. Don't say, "I know just what you're going through," "Hey, that's no big deal," "Go see a movie or something; you'll feel a lot better" or "Here's what you have to do." Instead say, "I care. Please tell me more." And then listen. Listen with all of your heart. Experts at all levels agree that teen suicide attempts and associated depression are not just a harmless bid for attention; they're expressions of distress that need to be addressed. All suicidal threats or hints therefore should be taken seriously. Such threats in one form or another occur before four out of five actual deaths from suicide.

What depressed or suicidal teens most want and need is to feel safe with you, to know that you can be trusted, to know that you care. They want someone who will let them be themselves, someone who won't express disapproval of anything they might say, someone who will be patient, someone who will say "I care," and who shows it not by talking, but by listening.

If suicide-prevention strategies are to be truly successful, then we must work together. We must become more educated about suicide, more prepared to befriend a teen in need and more familiar with the professional resources available for treatment. Resolve to be part of a community of caring adults to whom our teens can turn for help. Many of their lives are depending on it.